Fates Amusement

They say the strongest emotion in the world is love. I beg to disagree. To me it isn't.
Amusement is. You may wonder what I find so amusing...A lot of things actually.

It amuses me that I notice the littlest things about you – the way your eyebrows furrow when you are irritated, the way you bite your lips when you're indecisive, the way your eyes light up when you laugh.

It amuses me that I know that you prefer beige to cream and yet I don't know the difference myself.

It amuses me that I know you almost better than myself –I can predict almost every reaction of yours-so myriad in their extent.

It amuses me that I think you are the second most beautiful person on earth (the first being my mother) and yet you try the damned hardest to fade into the brickwork.

It amuses me that you think you know me at all – the person you see isn't who I am in reality. It's funnier that you judge me on the precious little you know of me.

It amuses me that you claim we are poles apart –essentially we aren't that different –we're both looking for happiness.

It amuses me the way you treat me like a piece of particularly musty furniture.

It amuses me that we cant spend more than ten minutes together without rising tempers and flying insults. It probably doesn't help that I turn into a blithering idiot every time I see you.

It amuses me that I have developed a resistance to hurt you insults give me –because I enjoy your stolen moments of companionship too much.

It amuses me that most of the time you hurt me without meaning to –like when you giggle at that idiot unnecessarily.

It amuses me that tomorrow if I die, my last thought would probably be of you.

But most of all, it amuses me that the only thing I love –hates me with an equaled intensity.


He finally stopped typing and stared at the glowing screen in front of him, the only light in the darkness of the room. He took of his spectacles and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was supposed to be making a list. Ironically, now he couldn't remember what the list was about. He sighed and supposed it would have to wait till the morning. He turned to face the open window near by and sat there staring at inky darkness of the night, blank. He let out another deep, wistful sigh, suddenly feeling oddly relieved. He put his glasses on and sat in his chair alone, the glowing laptop his only company. After a few more minutes, he got up and silently made his way to his bed room. He had never looked so weary before.


Her determined stride was clearing a path for her. No one wanted to be in her way. She was furious, annoyed and mildly paranoid, and everyone knew better than to stand in her way. She reached him and patted him on the back with a vehemence not thought possible of her.

“What exactly is this?” she asked waving a piece paper with some text on it, rather hysterically, if you looked at it from an objective point of view. He merely cocked his head to one side and continued watching her placidly.

“You know what amuses me?” her voice rising a few octaves. She continued and answered her own question, oblivious to the fact that she had attracted a rather amused audience. “It amuses me that you feel anything for me beyond an urge to complete a challenge. It amuses me that you chose to write this down instead of telling me. It amuses me that you think that I would compare you to piece of furniture” She paused and took a look around before continuing “It might be crediting you with too much” Her voice almost a hiss. He continued watching her, his face blank, his eyes betraying the interest he showed in her. The crowd erupted with gasps and a few mutters erupted across the varied tables.

At that moment, as the crowd watched the two wrapped up in a hug that seemed to convey everything, they knew that this would never end. As she leaned over and kissed his forehead, they knew too.
They were fated to be together, everyone knew that. And now, fate was having the last laugh.

That New Year Resolution

Someday, you will find me,
sitting on a marshmallow
of my own happiness.

Someday, you will find me,
swimming in a punch,
of my own sorrow.

Someday you will find me,
quivering like jelly
in my own excitement.

Someday, you will find me,
all whipped up like cream
in my own anger.

Someday you will find me
spooning comforting little pudding cups.

Someday, soon, maybe today.
I'll decide on that diet.

The Groom In Black

And then the rain started to fall...
What did she expect, only he knows.
That glowing discontentment raged through her
Threatening to take a larger form.
She wanted to scream, only so he could hear
She wanted to cry, only so he could comfort her
She wanted to break down, so he could put her together again
And when he didn’t, life changed
To something horrible, monstrous, evil
And then to something desolate, empty, bare.
And then the rain stopped.
But she wouldn’t see the damn green grass
The cursed bright blue sky,
She wouldn’t smell the clean washed out morning
As the sky stopped weeping, she began.
And it flowed through her, and surged out
And somewhere in a remote corner of the world,
It started to rain, and the drops washed away the
Long dried tear streak from the hardened cheek
Of the man standing at the altar,
Watching the woman hidden by her veil walk toward him,
The groom dressed in black.

This poem is one my friend wrote, and it was too beautiful to not put up.
I have a feeling she'll kill me, but I couldn't resist.

Smile.

You’d think that she would’ve learned by now. So many mistakes, similar every single time. 
She sighed as she zipped her bag shut, trying to filter out the sound of his voice from the babble around her.
It had always been that way for her. The guy was always the wrong one.
There was that guy who was interested, until he met her best friend.
Then there was that guy who was her best friend.
There was that guy who simply wasn’t interested.
That guy who just wanted to be friends, but benefits were appreciated.
And there was that guy who just hadn’t thought of it, wasn’t ready, he had said.
And now there was him.
 It had cost her bits off her and now there wasn’t much left, this time she was in way over her head. She smiled at her friends, all waiting for her, to be done packing her bag, done packing the bits of her complicated life away at the end of the day. She mentioned something funny that had happened during the day, and laughter sounded around her too. She smiled and then laughed, infected by good cheer. She looked at her friend, and then looked beyond. At him.
He was there, looking at her, with that look, that questioning look, she had come to recognize and cherish. He wasn’t perfect, far from it. But he was him, and that was all that mattered to her. Suddenly his gaze withdrew and his smile deepened, that dimple grew, as that girl walked towards him, and he waited. She groaned in her head, she knew she’d never be as perfect as her. Never, not even if she tried. Not that she wanted to, because she just wanted to be, herself.  
She felt a hand on her shoulder and realized that her friends had seen her. Looking apologetic, she moved away, walking slowly towards the doorway, letting her friends guide her, enveloped in her happy cushion of comfort and joy.
And suddenly he was there, in front of her, looking at her, smiling, a glint in his eyes. She stopped and stood stock still, her friends were amazingly, missing. Gone. When she needed them to keep her sane, from blabbering. 
She smiled. “See you tomorrow?” She blinked. Did she just actually say that? She groaned mentally again. Good going. He seemed unperturbed by display of absolute stupidity, and smiled. “You too.
She looked at her watch and looked away, unsure of what exactly to say that wouldn’t leave her looking stupid. God knows he’s laughed at her enough already. He grasped her elbow, gently turning her towards him, and she stiffened. “If you’re done staring into space, shall we go?” She smiled, and nodded, walking with him.
Till she figured it out for herself, this would do. This would do just fine, she thought. Then after a long time, she looked at him, and smiled, a real smile. And he smiled too, a real smile.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah.

Waiting.

They are all around me.
Hand in hand, in candle-light,
Baby talk and bashful smiles,
Hysterical giggles and serious talks.

And here I am,
Lost, in this world for two.
Symmetry.
You for me, and I for you...

Of couples and doubles,
And two is better than one,
And me holding to none.

Waiting...
Waiting for none to become one.
And one to become two.
Waiting...
Waiting, waiting for you. 

If.

If one day I could catch your dreams,
from the varied mists of air,
and weave them into a glowing tapestry.
If one day I could steer your wishes and your hopes
and charter them to fulfilment.
If I could shield you from the leaves of autumn
and shelter you from the winds of winter,
and show you the blooms of spring.
If I could you the silver lining in the clouds,
yet disperse from your sky.
If I could keep you from making the mistakes I see you,
and prevent you from falling headfirst into the well of your own sorrow.
If I could, I'd have to be superhuman.
But I'm not, I'm just me.

My Wall.

Its not that I hate love.

Nobody hates love. You can’t hate love. It’s just that I don’t love love.
I believe in the process of love – of walking on the beach, of talking into the night, of candlelight and roses. I can’t and I won’t believe in the harsher truths of love, in the snaring trust, and the dependency that it brings. I believe in the purity and the vulnerability of the emotion, yet I can’t stand the cloyish feeling of suffocation it brings.

What do you call love? What do you want me to believe in? What do I want to believe in? Who do I invest in? Why?

Why does it seem like love is a translucent blindfold, the best quality, but a blindfold all the same. You fall in love, and then you never seem to see right again…either you see through the blindfold, that tints and shades everything, or you don’t see at all. Why does it seem like I can’t see, hear, or feel anything beyond that mind numbing, fleeting happiness, the suffocating joy, and I’m content with it…and I’m not expected to want to sense anything else. Yet, it all affects me, today, now, every minute – and consumes the rest of my world, my friends, my family, my life, and suddenly it is my world.

And then you are my wall… thunk…thunk…thunk…my head battering against it again and again, in a futile attempt to amalgamate my world with you, and you with my world, to include your life in mine, to get you to understand me as much as I understand you, or I think I do. And that wall refuses to break, standing strong in its obstinacy and all its intuitive stubborn-ness. And I crumble against you instead, breaking, cracking, slowly, steadily.

And that’s why you can’t ignore love…because it does things that you can’t understand, that you can’t deal with or maybe wont. And that’s love, strong, powerful, pure, suffocating, annoying, out-there and all pervasive. Un-ignorable, ignoble and powerfully white.

The Silences

She stood and she watched.
The silences grew around her
emerging from the depths of her heart,
surrounding her, insulating her.
The babble of the surroundings
drowning out the voices in her head.

She stood and she watched
as life around her moved on.
She watched as they talked,
their sounds battling her silence,
her thoughts, her emotions, her ideas.

The voices in her head growing hoarse
Finally surrendering to the silences.
She moved forward, a shell of herself,
finding a place in the group.
A smile on her face.
A weight in her heart.
The price for companionship,
The sorrow spread afar.

She stood and she watched.
The silences, an old friend.

A bug on the wind screen...

At times the urge to say something about the world around you hits you like a sledgehammer in the solar plexus. At a time like that, in a fit of enthusiasm fueled by a lot of coffee and an uncle,I created this blog...and then realised..maybe I didn't have that marvellous urge to say that something anymore.

It amuses me now, the amount of time I spent agonising over the perfect format for my blog... "white? black? polka dots?" and then after creating it, and uploading a picture and then sighing a satisfied sigh, sat back and smiled a smug smile, then finally closed the tab and promptly forgot about it. Only to remember it four months later, when the urge to say something re-emerged.

Except I still didn't know what to say.

And here I am, telling you the story of how this blog was born...and rather guiltily passing this off as an excuse for the first blog. Hopefully bits of news that spark my interest will flash across my windscreen soon enough, and at a near future in order to create a bug shaped splat on the blog...

Until then..I'm going to be tending to my sore solar plexus...